A Very Frustrating 26th May 2012

To Lim:

Life matter again.

How long will I suffer this thing?

It just so frustrating.

Make me tensed some more.

I can't hold that pressure for too long.

My brain will going to be burst if I keep on thinking of it.

It's about my life.

My future life.

My family's life.

My family's future life.

My lifestyle.

My time.

My everything.

FOR MY WHOLE LIFE.

I have to make the decision as fast as possible.

So I wouldn't spend my time for doing nothing and get nothing.

So this is really pissed me off.

Towards myself.

For being not strict on my choices.

This is really not myself.

I can't blame it too.

Things changes from time to time.

So I have to adapt to the changes.

Until I forgot who am I.

I forgot how strong am I last time.

How brave am I last time.

To fight with my will.

Now,

I am.

Like a blind.

Like a deaf.

Lost myself again.

No will to fight.

No brave to face.

No spirit to fulfil. 

Choices are there.

But I'm no longer can choose one.

Like I used to be.

"Just take one and enjoy the moments"

No longer.

I can stay with the choice I chose longer.

Like I used to be.

"I'll show you that my choice is right"

Now.

I only can say.

"Anything as I can go through"

"You choose it for me."

"I'm flexible"

Well.

It's wasn't "me"

That I like before.

The one stand his points steadily.

The one surprised everyone by his thoughts.

The one that never ever wants to lose.

The one that change things,not the one being changed.

The one that is so naive person.

Now,

I just want to have a rest.

I just want to have a zero thoughts.

I just don't want my brain cells to work.

For some moments.

So I can wake up freshly.

Without thinking anything.

So that I can find myself again.

Or create my new self.

Maybe stronger.

Maybe tougher.

Maybe faster.

I hope things can be done quickly.

So I should rest more.

To gain back all power and will.
To make decision.

Please,

Be good to yourself.

Be yourself.

Love yourself.

Sincerely,

Leo