Saturday, May 26, 2012

A Very Frustrating 26th May 2012

To Lim:
Life matter again.
How long will I suffer this thing?
It just so frustrating.
Make me tensed some more.
I can't hold that pressure for too long.
My brain will going to be burst if I keep on thinking of it.

It's about my life.
My future life.
My family's life.
My family's future life.
My lifestyle.
My time.
My everything.

I have to make the decision as fast as possible.
So I wouldn't spend my time for doing nothing and get nothing.
So this is really pissed me off.
Towards myself.
For being not strict on my choices.
This is really not myself.

I can't blame it too.
Things changes from time to time.
So I have to adapt to the changes.
Until I forgot who am I.
I forgot how strong am I last time.
How brave am I last time.
To fight with my will.

I am.
Like a blind.
Like a deaf.
Lost myself again.
No will to fight.
No brave to face.
No spirit to fulfil. 

Choices are there.
But I'm no longer can choose one.
Like I used to be.
"Just take one and enjoy the moments"
No longer.
I can stay with the choice I chose longer.
Like I used to be.
"I'll show you that my choice is right"

I only can say.
"Anything as I can go through"
"You choose it for me."
"I'm flexible"

It's wasn't "me"
That I like before.
The one stand his points steadily.
The one surprised everyone by his thoughts.
The one that never ever wants to lose.
The one that change things,not the one being changed.
The one that is so naive person.

I just want to have a rest.
I just want to have a zero thoughts.
I just don't want my brain cells to work.
For some moments.
So I can wake up freshly.
Without thinking anything.
So that I can find myself again.
Or create my new self.
Maybe stronger.
Maybe tougher.
Maybe faster.

I hope things can be done quickly.
So I should rest more.
To gain back all power and will.
To make decision.

Be good to yourself.
Be yourself.
Love yourself.


Saturday, May 19, 2012

She's The One For The Moment "520"

To All who wonders and wanders:

On the end of May,
 Newcomers arrived with different expression.
I'm still the one, full with curiosity that kills the cats, 
Looking everything for fun.
Saw everyone, with different hair types.
But I remembered one the most: long with wavy and curly hair.
Didn't saw the face, only the figure line the back.

It was a very very someday of June, (somehow I forgot whether it's June or July)
Things suddenly went very funny,
Everyone is laughing at the name.
"Wong Fei Hong", "Kui Fei Long"
Hei Fei Long Hong etc etc.
But somehow we don't know who she is.
And I'm only remembered that there's a long curly and wavy hair girl.

"Could it be her?"
I asked.

"Yes, it's her, indeed."
He replied.

It was still nothing at that time,
until I saw her again,
where I was always been there,
for 7 years.

Finally, I saw her.
The funny name jokes,
The stories about her,
The long wavy and curly hair girl.
"It's her."

Well, she's just a simple girl,
simple as having a simple life,
simple as on her appearance,
simple as a normal girl that passing by.

But the weird things happened,
I'm still remember her,
I saw something different from her.
She's normal for everyone but it just different for me.
Kept thinking here and there.
But I just ignore it.

Days to days,
Weeks to weeks,
We still the same,
having the same jokes,
having our life fun and chilled.
I felt something different about me towards her.
She Is Something To Me.

Since that moment,
She gets into my life.
I kept thinking of her,
For no reason.

One day at the end of July,
I've found her through a social networking website.
I can't believe it, but I was so happy.
So, I added her as friend, without thinking any circumstances.
It's not a fault right?
And yes,
She approved me to be her friend.
Making me so happy again.

It was a midnight Saturday,
but she's there.
So I'm making my first step to chat with her.
I admit that I am not a talkative when chatting with unknown people.
So I was so scared and worried,
that our conversation ended fast and with awkward moments.
Yet, our conversation was just good to me,
I'm satisfied with it,
since it lasted longer than I thought.

Again, I'm very happy and shared my "happiness" to my brothers,
"Happiness" where I put a new special person in my heart,
"Happiness" where I appreciated and saved another moments in my memory,
"Happiness" where I was never felt it for a long time since few years back.

Since then, 
I became her friend,
Chatting with her when we're free.
Teaching each other on life,
Getting better with each other.

Everything she done to me,
Everything she said to me,
Every moments we have,
Buried deep within my heart.
Making me "syok" myself, 
It still fun,
It still warming, 
It still meaningful,
It still exciting.
It's one-sided love.

Well, that's what I want to share today, since it's 520 day.
Happy Day Earth! =D

Saturday, May 12, 2012

Life at 12/5/2012

Annyeong Ladies and Gentlemen~

It has been a long time since my previous update.  

I think it's about 2 or 3 posts for 2012.

Kinda lazy, but what can do?

When I want to blog, something is blocking my way.

When I don't want to blog, nothing crossed my mind.

So, forgive me if you cant see any updates from me.

And yeah, I'm TOO full of P & C (Privacy and Confidentiality)


Well, that's pros and cons behind-the-story.

But the cons dominate more.

But I can't do anything.

It became parts of my life already.

Everything, I mean, things that happened in my life.

I'll just stay quiet,.

Not saying out, but swallow and digest it within my heart.

This is what I'm doing for the 20 years.

Sad isn't it?


Sad what?

Everyone is doing the same.

But I admit it that I keep too much for myself.

I don't know why, but... but... but... 

I just don't know why.

Maybe I have psychological disorder.

Yes, maybe I have psychological disorder due to bad memories I guess?

Hmmm~~ I can't even remember of any bad memories.

Too bad I guess until can't remember.

Well, anyway,

I'm sorry if you guys can't know me well.

Because I never know myself well too.

SO it's a very very pathetic me.

I'm just so emo this recently.

Don't know why, but something is there keep on flying here and there.

Makes me so struggle to overcome it in a day.

It's about my life for the next few months, few years or even my whole life.

I really hate it when it comes to decision on my life.

Maybe I'm just too creative till everyone expect to get what they hope from me.

Come on guys, surprise me.

Surprise how special am I.

Surprise how good am I.

Surprise how excellent am I.

Show me the proves.

Do tell me with proof.

Because I don't know how am I went through my life.

I don't think I'm good as you guys see or said.

Maybe I didn't see it by my own.

But I always marked myself as a F grade human.

Not much special about me.

But why people look me as different as what I thought on myself?

Maybe I'm too strict on myself?

Maybe I'm too depressed on myself?

or maybe those compliments are all FAKE?

Well, I can't see myself without proof.

Talking and saying how good am I won't make sense for me to believe it.

Anyway, let's just off grid and sleep.

Shall we?

Love you all.